A Crash Course in Grief

“The only education in grief that any of us ever gets is a crash course.”
I was trying to find inspiration for this blog when I came across this quote. It certainly rings true for me.
I have experienced various forms of grief over time but none so life-altering and educational as when my
daughter died suddenly on her first day of daycare in December 2001. This singular event forced me to
focus on grief education for 19 years, and counting. I have learned quite a bit but also learned that I
don’t know it all. None of us knows it all.
I have gleaned “pearls of wisdom” from others who have been schooled in grief. Each of the wise
people who have shared of themselves would say that they haven’t figured it out either. They also
learned from the “pearls of wisdom” shared with them. It seems a cycle of support and wisdom is the
common theme for dealing with grief.
I have also learned from textbooks, medical journals and professional counselors that provided me with
tools to identify grief and work through its stages. These resources are very helpful but do not offer
complete healing for grief. The truth is that nothing will ever fully heal a heart broken by the death of
one’s child. Those of us who have experienced this tragedy know this is true. It sounds hopeless,
doesn’t it?
I would have answered yes to that question many years ago but today I don’t. Please, don’t
misunderstand me. I still miss my little girl every day. I sometimes grapple with feelings of extreme
sadness. I can cry at a moment’s notice. I get short-tempered when I’m stressed out. I put on my
“happy face” through most of December. I still ask “why” and get mad at God occasionally. There is a
scar on my heart and it will never go away. I am a fellow traveler on the grief journey, but it doesn’t
consume me and bring me to tears, anger, avoidance and questioning the way it used to.
I have learned that I cannot change the past but I can do something now. I feel like I was called to be of
service to fellow grieving parents and families. I’m not exactly sure what I am supposed to do but I have
hope that my sorrow and grief will be used for good, somehow.
Although I would never have elected to study the subject matter of grief, I am grateful that I have
learned as much as I have and can use my knowledge to help others. I invite you to join me, and others,
to learn and share about your own grief. Please consider attending our virtual “Healing Together Social
Hour” each month. Our next event is February 10 from 7-8pm. Sign up on NISSA’s Facebook page!
I look forward to sharing a class on grief with you.